Been to long, dad

Wow it has been to long I just found out, have been thinking about what to write...

Maybe I should talk about my dad for a change, since last sunday was fathersday.
I am a daddy's girl, I always have been. Everything I had so crazy idea ( like moving to the states and go to college there to get my Masters, which means giving up my job here) he was the one who supported me, he has always been the one to encourage us to do the things he would have done at our age in our position. He took us on vacation, my brother and I when my mom couldn't get time off work, and we would drive to Austria for a couple of days just to do some hiking, biking and gletcherskiing in the summertime. I went with him on a business trip to Spain, because he was going there while I had a week off, just the two of us, spending quality time together. We have always has so much fun.

Now you wonder maybe why I am talking in the past tense, it is because the memories are there and always will be, but unfortunately I am slowely, no, rapidly losing my dad.
I am the 30 year old daughter of a 59 year old man with dementia; the Lewy Body form of it. And it is going really fast.

You always hear about this decease and you are happy that is isn't happening to somebody close to you, and then all of a sudden it does happen to somebody close to you. And it becomes surrealistic. We all think the world stops when you get news like this, but it doesn't, everything around you keeps moving. For a while there I taught I was dreaming and that I would wake up soon and it would have just been a nightmare and everything will be ok. Now I am past that, it will never be ok again, it will only get worse. So here I am from time to time helping my dad to put on his socks and shoes, the same man who once helped me put on my socks and shoes. How ironic don't you think?

People ask me all the time how I deal with it, and well you just do you have too. I laugh and make jokes about it, I shed tears and am sad about it. This is life. I am lucky, I have a ton of good memories of my dad; the world traveler, awesome salesman, sailor, man of many languages, experiences, once owner of his own factory, husband of one, father of two. 30 years of good memories, feeling loved and knowing that he would have gone to the end of the world for me. Many children haven't been as lucky as me, losing a parent at a very early age, I have had 30 good years and will treasure them. Even now there are still good times with him, it is the just being, that is important. Because all to soon that might be gone as well.

This is not supposed to be a depressing blog, because it isn't, it's about love, and love should not be depressing, it should be enriching. And these experiences with my dad are even now in the darker hours...